Sunday, May 1, 2011

issues? those are for magazines

i arrived home after my kick-off party sober, alone and ready to write, when i received a text message that said, "keep it up... you're dedication is admirable for sure."

my reply was exactly this: "haha. let me tell you something ironic: the new blog is going to be about how i want to back out."

i won't. i can't.

but tonight, when i was driving home, i was slapped with something cold and fierce. i don't have a best friend. i'm not trying to discredit all of the friends that i have back in nebraska or even the ones i've gained down here... but working so hard on my creative endeavors has really taken its toll. i guess tonight is when this project really came down on me- after trying to find dates, organize them, advertise, trying to find sponsors, figure out crew work, host a party... it's ridiculous.

i just want to chuck the whole idea in the trash, right along with these leftover pretzels, wrap myself up in a cocoon of blankets, and then sleep for 30 days.

it's hard to keep going full-force when you don't have a solid, steady support system... and when your own crew puts you off and doesn't even come to your party.

even Robert Rodriguez- the "rebel without a crew"- wasn't as alone as the title makes him out to be. he had a friend. that friend was not only an actor in his film but he would help scout locations, run errands, gather props, and most of all- he believed in an idea and dedicated himself to it.

please PLEASE let me find someone that i can rely on. someone on that same playing field as me. someone who is ready to take their ideas, their passion and their drive, smash it all together and throw a curve ball, shattering perceptions, reconstructing thoughts and enlightening minds.

i don't know who this is going to be... a best friend? my soulmate? both? maybe just a creative partner...

and now i wonder:
what am i really searching for in this project?


  1. This is a massive undertaking for one person. While I have no doubt that your passion will carry you further than even you realize, it's also important to have your Campo and Quino (see Desperado) as well.

    I'll be praying for you and your journey. :)

    “May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”

  2. I will continue to encourage you in all your endeavors. I happen to think youre one of the most brilliant, creative, outgoing, beautiful people I know! You just keep being YOU! Im proud of ya!

  3. What you're searching for in this projet-- I think this may go back to the question of what purpose you think dates actually serve. That will determine a lot about the conversations that take place and the things you find out about the other person...

  4. P.S. Sorry I couldn't make it out to the party...too many things to do, and I was finally free around 10PM in shorts and a t-shirt...hardly appropriate for the Townhouse.