i'm getting bored of writing about dates that don't go horribly but don't go great. maybe i'm just getting bored in general; tired of trying to force conversation with someone new yet again. i would hate to blame the date if it was just my ADD... but i have this feeling that we just didn't mesh well.
i'm trying to figure out what my problem was exactly because i was starting to slightly get annoyed. maybe it started at the roller derby.
i had never even heard of this sport until about four years ago. right after moving here, i sought out the movie Whip It and pretty much fell in love with the idea of becoming a rollergirl. a few months ago i even raked craigslist to find a secondhand helmet and purchased it. so as my first time at the track, i really wanted to pay attention and study not only their rules but their technique and soak up everything that i could. he must not have felt the same way. he kept breaking my concentration trying to talk about certain things and it was so loud i had to have him repeat himself often.
maybe it's my fault for suggesting it for a first date... but in the same sense, we had time to talk beforehand and we were still going to hang out after, so i guess i feel like he could've just sat back, relaxed, and enjoyed the show with me. i know that being able to have a healthy conversation with someone is important to me, in fact it's crucial, but i also love to study. i love to remove myself from situations, open up my mind, and take in every new morsel of life i can. at this point i felt like i was bouncing off of two worlds and it's really rough for me when my mind is in Brick mode.
since we were both hungry anyway, i figured that ducking out of there early was the best idea at that point. we headed to Cazamance to get some African grub (another first) and i ordered what he had gotten the week before, per his suggestion. expectations are a jerk of a concept; it didn't thrill me too much. maybe i just wasn't paying attention because my brain was in limbo. no matter though, i will most likely go back and try something else because the people working behind the trailer window were truly pleasant.
when i go out on a date, i want the guy to just be themselves- hang out with me almost as if i'm one of the guys. i want to see people in their element and skip all of the "how am i supposed to act around this person" silliness. what a waste of energy. i notice when someone is looking at me trying to figure out what to do or say. get rid of that tentative state of mind! be here now. say what you're thinking; do what you're feeling. even if i don't understand it, i will respect that more than someone who is trying to tailor their actions. be bold. put me in my place if you feel it's necessary.
i'm completely for easing into a romantic relationship, but i can never understand easing into being yourself. i've had some people tell me that you're not supposed to reveal certain things until the 3rd or 4th date. i don't know if i agree with that. why can't we just let whatever comes up, naturally come out? i don't think it's what we admit or reveal, i think it's all in the way we present it.
and if you have something that's weighing on you so heavily that you don't want the other person to know, maybe you should be focusing on trying to fix that before putting your energy into starting a relationship.
i don't mean to insinuate that's the case with date #15 but i do believe that he was holding parts of him in. i find that really hard to relate to and after a while i start to retreat.
after heading to the Lustre Pearl and losing a game of ping-pong, i tried to think of a different route of connecting. i knew he was artistic so i had packed my markers and suggested we play the folded-bodies activity. if you've never heard of such a thing, let me explain. you take a sheet of paper and fold it into four sections and the first person draws a head of any sort. they fold it under so that the next person can only see the neckline and hands it off. that new person draws the upper body and folds it again. next come the legs and then the fourth section is for the feet. when finished, you unfold and voila! there's your comical character.
i think he took it more serious than i did. he's definitely skilled but i guess i was hoping for more off-the-wall cheesy goodness rather than technique. it was his first time to play though, so i best give him a break.
at any rate, i just don't think either of us were feeling it, so i asked if it was okay if he took me home. date #15, thanks for giving it a shot; i appreciate you taking me out. don't be afraid to let go. and i'm sorry if it was partially because i didn't make you feel comfortable enough to.
best part of the day: watching the junior league at roller derby! how adorable. my parents would have never let me do that...
best part of the date: when he said "alcohol has been the social lubricant for years, why reinvent the wheel?" also: him telling me that he made a video short with legos. this i would like to see.
worst part of the day: being disappointed at the experience at roller derby
worst part of the date: the feeling of being watched