a good portion of monday was spent walking around with shoulders slumped. i was starting to let disappointment burrow itself into my muscles.
i had been giddy about this planned date ever since he suggested that we start at the shooting range. i haven’t touched a gun since i was sixteen when i was handed a shotgun and told to fire into the air of an empty cornfield. the closest thing that comes to that is when the drunken lieutenant pulled the trigger of a muzzleloader aimed toward me. i still have freckles of gunpowder decorating my foot.
new experiences always thrill me, so when i got that dreaded email saying that he had to cancel, i couldn’t help but be let down. he probably should have warned me that he’s been driving to Dallas for interviews and that there was a possibility that he would be called up again, but i completely understand putting your career first. even if i was dating him already, i would never ask him to cancel something like that.
at this point i was brainstorming creative ideas on how to proceed with the day, still trying to make the most of it. i thought that showing up to random places and asking guys to be my date that night could get interesting; i was curious to see what kind of reactions i would get.
this is when i made a mistake. the error was not in the fact that i read negative opinions about my project, but the fact that i let it dwindle my enthusiasm… but that’s when i started writing and i found that it helped put things into perspective for me. here’s what i wrote…
there are some things i would like to address about the project as a whole:
1) i dislike capitals. i’m sorry that i’m breaking a very general rule of many languages, but i don’t like the way it looks in my own writing. i can understand where most of you are coming from when it comes to this specifically but i have to stay true to me.
2) i’ve never claimed to have big aspirations to be a writer. essentially that’s not what this idea is all about.
3) no, i do not have anyone editing my blogs. would i like there to be? yes and no. i am trying to take care of a million things at once and unfortunately i can’t give my writing the full attention that it needs. on one hand it would be nice to have someone tweaking it…
4) …but on the other hand- this blog is such a small part of what i’m doing that i’m perfectly fine with how they’re turning out.
5) this whole thing is a learning process for me- not only when it comes to dating, but also the video aspect, blogging, interviews, even Austin itself. i may not fully know what i’m doing but at least i’m DOING. at least i’m taking steps to get to where i want to be.
6) i want criticism. the only thing i ask of my critics is that if they feel strongly about something, they tell me… and let me film it. at the very least, let me document it. i’ll give you full license to hate on me.
so now that that’s out of the way, i suppose i should also reveal the other couple of factors that helped me get over my speed bumps that day. first off, i couldn’t do this without my pal Ben. i call him with my ridiculous woes and i swear i can feel the slap in the face over the phone. he sets me straight. there are so many days that i wish he was still down here with me but i understand why that’s not the case. luckily i might have found someone who would be willing to do the same. date #2 has been extremely supportive in my endeavor and elbowing me forward whenever he feels like i need a jab. when he found out that date #9 had bailed on me, he said he’d be up for getting some drinks. even though we haven’t known each other that long, it was extremely comforting to have the companionship of someone that i just feel natural around. i’ve never felt like he’s judged me for anything and things just seem a lot more light-hearted or easy to handle when you have a friend there.
i haven’t decided if i should consider that a second date or not… i also haven’t decided if i just broke my own rules. either way, i’m happy with the way the day turned out.