twenty-four previous dates and this is the only one where i was nervous beforehand. sure, i had endured some awkwardness, but this was different. i had an inclination, maybe i can call it intuition, that he wasn't going to even care about becoming my friend, much less anything romantic.
why did i feel this way even before i met him? let's see if i can pick apart the information i had acquired beforehand...
date #25 had emailed me first, saying that he had heard about my 30 dates and that he had had some bad luck with women lately and... "why not?" i had replied to him a couple times to try and figure out a corresponding day but i didn't hear back from him. i assumed that he had changed his mind so i let it go without another thought. no biggie.
but then i came across an article about him and his life as a bachelor. i will have to say that yes, he is ridiculously good-looking, but that's honestly not what grabbed my attention; his love for parkour was intriguing. the only exposure that i've had to this sport (if i'm able to call it that), is the episode of the Office where they're jumping around like monkeys on crack. [insert another imaginative episode of cartoon comedy here, this time of my date being a guest star alongside michael scott.]
after the article and checking out his facebook, i deduced a few things: a) he had high, and particular, physical standards... and i know i'm no halle berry [more like drew barrymore circa 1998], b) he knows he's good-looking, and c) at this point i figured the only way to get him to say yes is to lure him in with the one thing he truly loves.
i asked if he'd be willing to teach me some parkour for our date. he accepted.
so why did i pursue a date with someone that i already felt like he would look at me with inferiority? maybe to see if my judgments were wrong... maybe to push myself to get over fears (fear of the vulnerability of a man teaching me something, and the fear of actually being inferior)... maybe i considered it a challenge... maybe sheer curiosity. probably different percentages of all of the above.
on the bus ride to meet up with #25 at the park, i gave myself a pep-talk, saying that i needed to keep an open mind and let go of all preconceived ideas. when i found him, i immediately sensed the shield he had built around himself just through his body language. after introductions, he grabbed an apple from his cooler, broke it in half and looked at me for a reaction. honestly i thought he was offering to share it with me. turns out he was displaying the fact that he could split it with his bare hands. i didn't even notice and he seemed a little annoyed by that. or maybe he was just working through some awkward beginnings?
when he got into talking about the history of parkour and instructing me on some of the basics, i could tell that this was his comfort zone. he was looking me in the eye and words were flowing smoothly, showing me the most efficient way to make a jump over a waist-high wall. anyone watching me would have known that in this moment my zone was completely void of comfort. i believe he read this and adjusted his patience and even compassion to suit. i appreciated it more than anything. it seemed like our interpersonal gap was closing somewhat through this... but when i tried to veer off the subject of parkour, i could see him close up again. come on man! i just ran my knees into walls in front of you! are you going to make me be the only one exposing a susceptible state?
i was losing interest because of the strictly teacher/student mentality and i think he was waning too. actually, they were probably going hand in hand. he was starting to pay attention to his phone so i was about head out when i saw his face contort humorously in annoyance. i begged for him to illustrate. this was the first time he told me anything personal, so matter the story, he automatically gained points just for that fact.
but when he was telling me about the girl he met at the bar who, for the following week, wouldn't stop texting him to see what he was doing, he made sure to ostentatiously showcase the fact that she kept oozing on how gorgeous he was. and when i tried to connect with him about how i also can't handle one-dimensional people who love to occupy their time with quickly romanticizing a brand new world with an almost stranger, he looked at me as if to say "right. like you understand."
i left feeling slightly defeated. and bruised... literally.
best part of the date: he was honestly the most patient teacher. #25, you'll do great.
best part of the day: when we found out that while we were talking, we were the subjects of an artist's sketch. he gave it to us for $6. (i have the date to thank for most of that.)
worst part of the date: he didn't let me in at all... was he afraid that if he gave me an inch, i'd be another one of those girls that would try to take a mile?
worst part of the day (which was also probably really good for me): letting a guy teach me something/walking away with proof that i'm not the best at clearing walls
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
date #24: house arrest
i can't be sure, but i think i've only been to one house party in the last two years. the idea always makes me feel nostalgic for the good ole college days. so mr. date #24, you say our date can be a party at your place? and i can bring my cousin and visiting bud? perfect!
all amped up for meeting new people, a few drinks, maybe some loud music and a light-hearted atmosphere, when the pretty little bubble was burst the moment the door was swung open. there were three... yes three people... and they were glued to a shoe-screeching game of basketball on the telly, complete with an aura that communicated that they wanted little to do with us.
i was hoping there was something coming that i was unaware of, or that my date had some tricks up his sleeve. after all, one of his emails stated that he recognized that i was the type to like something more creative than the typical dinner and movie date. but after dinner he and one the friends ducked outside to have a cigarette... that must have been the size of texas. i guess he must have thought since i had a couple of my friends with me, that we'd be okay. but then what was the point of us being there? certainly not to watch some yawn-inducing argument between fishermen on the boob tube.
so after what seemed like an hour and jokes of escaping through the bathroom window, i walked outside to let him know that our brains were melting from inactivity. he immediately apologized and said he got caught up enjoying the beautiful night. okay, i'll give him the fact that i could've gotten lost in the dark calm myself, but not if i had company. i wish he would've gotten up right after i told him of our boredom, but unfortunately the two just preceded to rattle off negative stories and feelings about random people i've never met while i sat there uncomfortable.
finally, after the butt of texas had been put out, his friends left and it was just us four. his sleeves proved to be void of tricks so it's a good thing i came prepared. i brought a few different games and of course the majority ruled in favor of apples to apples... and it proved to be fruitful. (that pun was intended for all of you who do not know my sense of humor personally. you're welcome.) at least the game leveled us, put us all at ease, and let us laugh.
here may be the most interesting part: the next day i happened to meet someone that knew my date. there's a chance that this was just hearsay, but...they told me that the reason why we had to have the date where we did was because #24 was on house arrest.
best part of the date: the meal that he made for us really was delicious and thought-out.
all amped up for meeting new people, a few drinks, maybe some loud music and a light-hearted atmosphere, when the pretty little bubble was burst the moment the door was swung open. there were three... yes three people... and they were glued to a shoe-screeching game of basketball on the telly, complete with an aura that communicated that they wanted little to do with us.
i was hoping there was something coming that i was unaware of, or that my date had some tricks up his sleeve. after all, one of his emails stated that he recognized that i was the type to like something more creative than the typical dinner and movie date. but after dinner he and one the friends ducked outside to have a cigarette... that must have been the size of texas. i guess he must have thought since i had a couple of my friends with me, that we'd be okay. but then what was the point of us being there? certainly not to watch some yawn-inducing argument between fishermen on the boob tube.
so after what seemed like an hour and jokes of escaping through the bathroom window, i walked outside to let him know that our brains were melting from inactivity. he immediately apologized and said he got caught up enjoying the beautiful night. okay, i'll give him the fact that i could've gotten lost in the dark calm myself, but not if i had company. i wish he would've gotten up right after i told him of our boredom, but unfortunately the two just preceded to rattle off negative stories and feelings about random people i've never met while i sat there uncomfortable.
finally, after the butt of texas had been put out, his friends left and it was just us four. his sleeves proved to be void of tricks so it's a good thing i came prepared. i brought a few different games and of course the majority ruled in favor of apples to apples... and it proved to be fruitful. (that pun was intended for all of you who do not know my sense of humor personally. you're welcome.) at least the game leveled us, put us all at ease, and let us laugh.
here may be the most interesting part: the next day i happened to meet someone that knew my date. there's a chance that this was just hearsay, but...they told me that the reason why we had to have the date where we did was because #24 was on house arrest.
best part of the date: the meal that he made for us really was delicious and thought-out.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
date #23: empty canvas, full of apples.
a decided plan over a month in advance- collaborative paintings where we each start a canvas, every x-amount of minutes, a trade off... multiple shufflings and then a final decision on a specific date. excitement for finally being able to follow through with this idea that i've had, and with an artist that has work that i really dig nonetheless... a message from him the night before asking if we're still on for the date... a reassuring text that morning stating that i'm his top priority. a brainstorming because neither of us were with working vehicles... a solution was presented and... a text back saying he was at a friend's party. saying he was going to try and find a ride back home.
i knew better. i didn't hear back from him.
my cousin said she'd be willing to go out with me and try to lasso up some unsuspecting victims but luckily i heard back from one of the guys that i met at shangri-la and agreed to a last-minute get-together. i asked him how he felt about the game apples to apples and he asked if i ever played more "manly" games like dice. ahh, a skeptic i see. just you wait...
i couldn't get his other two friends to play at first.. they were giving me all sorts of silly excuses. but once a table opened up that was big enough for all of us and the game, i suggested that we go play right in front of them to entice and draw them in. by jove, it worked. after a certain round i just decided to risk it and deal them in. by the end of the night we were all laughing like crazy, teasing and trying to figure each other out.
you know, even though this guy is very attractive in both physical appearance and demeanor, i don't think there was a romantic connection, but that's quite alright. we all had a great time even though we barely knew each other... and i think that should happen more with strangers.
best part of the day: seeing my cousin let go and be her comedic self around strangers
best part of the date: 100% freshly squeezed apples
worst part of the day: being dropped. again.
worst part of the date: being questioned about my methods for fun!
i knew better. i didn't hear back from him.
my cousin said she'd be willing to go out with me and try to lasso up some unsuspecting victims but luckily i heard back from one of the guys that i met at shangri-la and agreed to a last-minute get-together. i asked him how he felt about the game apples to apples and he asked if i ever played more "manly" games like dice. ahh, a skeptic i see. just you wait...
i couldn't get his other two friends to play at first.. they were giving me all sorts of silly excuses. but once a table opened up that was big enough for all of us and the game, i suggested that we go play right in front of them to entice and draw them in. by jove, it worked. after a certain round i just decided to risk it and deal them in. by the end of the night we were all laughing like crazy, teasing and trying to figure each other out.
you know, even though this guy is very attractive in both physical appearance and demeanor, i don't think there was a romantic connection, but that's quite alright. we all had a great time even though we barely knew each other... and i think that should happen more with strangers.
best part of the day: seeing my cousin let go and be her comedic self around strangers
best part of the date: 100% freshly squeezed apples
worst part of the day: being dropped. again.
worst part of the date: being questioned about my methods for fun!
#22: double-date, -dare, -disappointment
after meeting about 20 new people in the previous few weeks, and spending a lot of time alone trying to write, i was in desperate need of an old friend, a familiar face. someone i can trust and who views the world a lot like me. who is not afraid of acting ridiculous or walking out of the house without a shower. someone that i can talk to in a straightforward manner and not worry that they will get all butt-hurt about it (or even other outside things that are fleeting). that's my buddy shelby. not sure she would like to admit this to just anyone, but underneath her tough, tatted exterior, i personally think she's a hopeless romantic. that's why she's my soul matey! i would love to find a guy version of her. it seems like a lot of guys that i've come across in the past couple of years are more girly than both her and i put together. sigh.
anyway- i about soiled my shorts when she told me that not only was she flying in to visit for a week, she bought us tickets to see Airborne Toxic Event. aaaand she was single. double date adventure! since one of the crew members was going to be in town, and knowing he had a good sense of humor, i asked if he would be willing to find a friend and all four of us would play a daring game of truth or dare. we would all be a part of filming, passing the camera around. in my head it resembled That 70's Show when they're all in the basement having conversations with mary jane... only we'd ask jack daniels to join us at the bar instead.. and no offense eric, but we would have totally blown you out of the water.
if it would've happened. the whole day it all just seemed so up in the air and then during the concert i received a text message from my crew guy saying that his friend was stuck in fort worth or something. i swept the annoyance of another fall-through aside pretty quickly. i can't complain about having personal shelby time! especially when that includes a brilliant live performance.
unfortunately that had to end, so afterward we started walking toward 6th street seeking out adventure and i thought i had a door open for an impromptu date. a pedicabber waved us in, even after convincing protests of being okay with hiking it, all free of charge. when we explained why we had no destination, my project came up and how plans had fallen through. he said he was getting off work soon and that if we got off, he would give me his number. wait... you want to hang out... but you're kicking me off your cab? or are you meaning something else?? ohhh... to get to your cards, you need us to physically move because they are under our seat. he yanks off the cushion and pulls out this big flash card illustrated with old-school PBS characters of sorts and it says "IF." with a laugh, he scribbles "you get off" to the end of that. what are the chances?
and what are the chances of another no-show? he texted me saying that he happened to get a flat tire. do i believe it?
anyway- i about soiled my shorts when she told me that not only was she flying in to visit for a week, she bought us tickets to see Airborne Toxic Event. aaaand she was single. double date adventure! since one of the crew members was going to be in town, and knowing he had a good sense of humor, i asked if he would be willing to find a friend and all four of us would play a daring game of truth or dare. we would all be a part of filming, passing the camera around. in my head it resembled That 70's Show when they're all in the basement having conversations with mary jane... only we'd ask jack daniels to join us at the bar instead.. and no offense eric, but we would have totally blown you out of the water.
if it would've happened. the whole day it all just seemed so up in the air and then during the concert i received a text message from my crew guy saying that his friend was stuck in fort worth or something. i swept the annoyance of another fall-through aside pretty quickly. i can't complain about having personal shelby time! especially when that includes a brilliant live performance.
unfortunately that had to end, so afterward we started walking toward 6th street seeking out adventure and i thought i had a door open for an impromptu date. a pedicabber waved us in, even after convincing protests of being okay with hiking it, all free of charge. when we explained why we had no destination, my project came up and how plans had fallen through. he said he was getting off work soon and that if we got off, he would give me his number. wait... you want to hang out... but you're kicking me off your cab? or are you meaning something else?? ohhh... to get to your cards, you need us to physically move because they are under our seat. he yanks off the cushion and pulls out this big flash card illustrated with old-school PBS characters of sorts and it says "IF." with a laugh, he scribbles "you get off" to the end of that. what are the chances?
and what are the chances of another no-show? he texted me saying that he happened to get a flat tire. do i believe it?
Monday, June 27, 2011
date #21: follies
ahem... read this:
Hello Amber,
Just wanted to contact you about your project. My son was born in 1982 and is in your age cat. He is a graphic artist and runs his own company. You can contact him through me any time this month. His free time is limited. Also, from my corner if you find nothing to do near the end of this month there is a national chess tournament in Stillwater, OK. May 27 to 30 with some of the strongest chess players in the world. The cash prizes aren't that great but afterall this is not a Vegas event when the first prize is usually at least $100K. Regards, W.R.W(Wichita Falls)
P.S. - My son lives in Austin.
(i wrote back saying that we had already set up a date and that i didn't think that long of a road trip was feasible. i received another reply...)
Amber,
I didn't know he already contacted you. Run with it. With me you would basically be bored unless you like spending money gambling. However, Matt is your age and was educated at Baylor, U.of Houston and Savannah School of Graphics and Art Design in Georgia. Like I said he runs a start-up and has 2 other part-time jobs so he is high energy. Although he is half Latino, my friends say his skin looks like he is Italian. If something does develop and you end up in the family, I am giving you an advance on getting through the process. You have a choice of Christian denoms- Disciples of Christ, Baptist, Catholic, Messiah Judism, and several other misc. ones. Regards, W.R.W(Wichita Falls)/ Retired Pharmacist
...
are you... wait... is this serious? or do you have one hell of a sense of humor? i read it over again and again in between rolling on the floor in fits of laughter. did my date know that his dad was writing me? will he be embarrassed when he finds out? he shouldn't be. even through it's hilarity, i wasn't judging him based on his father's words... but i sure was creating a comical cartoon character depiction in my imagination. for some reason he was short and round, Danny DeVito style, with a cigar dangling from his crooked but inviting smile. i'm not sure where the association with the cigar came from; maybe it was the mention of Vegas. imagine Coolidge's dog painting series only this new scene is called "dogs and DeVito playing chess".
look, enough about the dog okay? (if you get that reference, you deserve hugs.) on to the date:
so what makes a guy think that swimming is a good suggestion for a first date? there's no way i would say "hey guy that i don't know, take a good, long look at my nearly naked body! here i am!" i understand that any time you go swimming, there are a bunch of people that you don't know that have the chance to look at you, but they are more than likely going to stay strangers. you're not spending a copious amount of time with them and trying to form some sort of bond. you can pretend they don't exist... they're just extras in your story, not any of the main characters. maybe i'm just old-fashioned in that sense. it takes a while to earn the layers of my clothing coming off.
so i ruled out the very un-Miss-America pageant idea, i said no to the 3-D movie awkward yawn-a-thon that would've taken place on two opposite ends of the couch in his apartment, and unfortunately i even had to cut out another one of his suggestions: a craft fair that i think he chose specifically trying to suit my tastes. i've realized that that sort of thing is really hard to do on the first date. i had this feeling that i would want to pay attention to the creative works and he would be trying to pull me into conversation. plus, i had to work on some things until later in the day and it just wasn't going to work.
but the homemade pizza idea sounded like a great approach to bonding through a shared doing, right? sigh. he didn't even ask if i had ever cooked before; he just started giving me extremely basic instructions. i felt like i was a student taking an introduction to cooking class. at least i learned the proper way to position my fingers when cutting vegetables! that will prove beneficial so that i won't uphold the tradition of the Kellers' stubby fingers. i tried making a joke to that effect, telling him that multiple people on that side of the family have missing pieces of appendages, but i think i freaked him out more than anything. sorry!
so after the delicious pizza (mine ended up looking much more appetizing than his, which i had to tease him about), mashed potatoes, asparagus, and drool-inducing chocolate cake, we headed out to Esther's Follies for our first-ever show there. i had no idea what to expect but it was absolutely brilliant. a mix between a comedy sketch, magic show, and musical is EXACTLY my kind of thing. even the backdrops and props were theatrical, creative, and lively. and when i experience things like this, i tend to study them in my head long after the show is actually over. i like mulling over details and soaking it all in and i tried explaining that to him once he pulled me outside of the building, but i guess i didn't communicate it well enough. he kept asking me random questions that seemed very trivial at the time. i was really trying to not get annoyed because the fact of the matter is that we're just different... but you know, my head gets very selfish when it wants its personal time. and that's when i knew it was time to go home.
worst part of the date: let me iterate that date #21 is a very nice guy. thoughtful, driven, and incredibly smart... but he's way too structured for me. he had set up an itinerary for the entire night, including how long it would take for us to get from point A to point B and i like flying by the seat of my pants. and acting ridiculously goofy. i didn't feel like i could openly be that around him.
best part of the night: pretending i was watching Saturday Night Live
best part of the date: talking about intelligent, psychological ideas and thoughts during our meal... and getting me a gorgeous parasol of my favorite color (turquoise) was really thoughtful. i felt guilty taking such a gift though...
Hello Amber,
Just wanted to contact you about your project. My son was born in 1982 and is in your age cat. He is a graphic artist and runs his own company. You can contact him through me any time this month. His free time is limited. Also, from my corner if you find nothing to do near the end of this month there is a national chess tournament in Stillwater, OK. May 27 to 30 with some of the strongest chess players in the world. The cash prizes aren't that great but afterall this is not a Vegas event when the first prize is usually at least $100K. Regards, W.R.W(Wichita Falls)
P.S. - My son lives in Austin.
(i wrote back saying that we had already set up a date and that i didn't think that long of a road trip was feasible. i received another reply...)
Amber,
I didn't know he already contacted you. Run with it. With me you would basically be bored unless you like spending money gambling. However, Matt is your age and was educated at Baylor, U.of Houston and Savannah School of Graphics and Art Design in Georgia. Like I said he runs a start-up and has 2 other part-time jobs so he is high energy. Although he is half Latino, my friends say his skin looks like he is Italian. If something does develop and you end up in the family, I am giving you an advance on getting through the process. You have a choice of Christian denoms- Disciples of Christ, Baptist, Catholic, Messiah Judism, and several other misc. ones. Regards, W.R.W(Wichita Falls)/ Retired Pharmacist
...
are you... wait... is this serious? or do you have one hell of a sense of humor? i read it over again and again in between rolling on the floor in fits of laughter. did my date know that his dad was writing me? will he be embarrassed when he finds out? he shouldn't be. even through it's hilarity, i wasn't judging him based on his father's words... but i sure was creating a comical cartoon character depiction in my imagination. for some reason he was short and round, Danny DeVito style, with a cigar dangling from his crooked but inviting smile. i'm not sure where the association with the cigar came from; maybe it was the mention of Vegas. imagine Coolidge's dog painting series only this new scene is called "dogs and DeVito playing chess".
look, enough about the dog okay? (if you get that reference, you deserve hugs.) on to the date:
so what makes a guy think that swimming is a good suggestion for a first date? there's no way i would say "hey guy that i don't know, take a good, long look at my nearly naked body! here i am!" i understand that any time you go swimming, there are a bunch of people that you don't know that have the chance to look at you, but they are more than likely going to stay strangers. you're not spending a copious amount of time with them and trying to form some sort of bond. you can pretend they don't exist... they're just extras in your story, not any of the main characters. maybe i'm just old-fashioned in that sense. it takes a while to earn the layers of my clothing coming off.
so i ruled out the very un-Miss-America pageant idea, i said no to the 3-D movie awkward yawn-a-thon that would've taken place on two opposite ends of the couch in his apartment, and unfortunately i even had to cut out another one of his suggestions: a craft fair that i think he chose specifically trying to suit my tastes. i've realized that that sort of thing is really hard to do on the first date. i had this feeling that i would want to pay attention to the creative works and he would be trying to pull me into conversation. plus, i had to work on some things until later in the day and it just wasn't going to work.
but the homemade pizza idea sounded like a great approach to bonding through a shared doing, right? sigh. he didn't even ask if i had ever cooked before; he just started giving me extremely basic instructions. i felt like i was a student taking an introduction to cooking class. at least i learned the proper way to position my fingers when cutting vegetables! that will prove beneficial so that i won't uphold the tradition of the Kellers' stubby fingers. i tried making a joke to that effect, telling him that multiple people on that side of the family have missing pieces of appendages, but i think i freaked him out more than anything. sorry!
so after the delicious pizza (mine ended up looking much more appetizing than his, which i had to tease him about), mashed potatoes, asparagus, and drool-inducing chocolate cake, we headed out to Esther's Follies for our first-ever show there. i had no idea what to expect but it was absolutely brilliant. a mix between a comedy sketch, magic show, and musical is EXACTLY my kind of thing. even the backdrops and props were theatrical, creative, and lively. and when i experience things like this, i tend to study them in my head long after the show is actually over. i like mulling over details and soaking it all in and i tried explaining that to him once he pulled me outside of the building, but i guess i didn't communicate it well enough. he kept asking me random questions that seemed very trivial at the time. i was really trying to not get annoyed because the fact of the matter is that we're just different... but you know, my head gets very selfish when it wants its personal time. and that's when i knew it was time to go home.
worst part of the date: let me iterate that date #21 is a very nice guy. thoughtful, driven, and incredibly smart... but he's way too structured for me. he had set up an itinerary for the entire night, including how long it would take for us to get from point A to point B and i like flying by the seat of my pants. and acting ridiculously goofy. i didn't feel like i could openly be that around him.
best part of the night: pretending i was watching Saturday Night Live
best part of the date: talking about intelligent, psychological ideas and thoughts during our meal... and getting me a gorgeous parasol of my favorite color (turquoise) was really thoughtful. i felt guilty taking such a gift though...
Monday, June 13, 2011
date #20: MASH
i know i've been absent for a while now, and for that, i'm sorry. i could tell you all of the reasons (or excuses) as to why i haven't been posting, but is that really what you want to hear?
but tell me, do you even want to hear about more dates?? i'm so bored with writing about them; i can't imagine that society would actually want to read about another "good conversation" or awkward situation. to tell you the truth, i would've probably stopped reading by now. but here i am, forcing myself to finish the last ten because that's what i said i would do, even though all i want to do is write about abstract ideas that have been on my mind, or conversations i've overheard on the bus, or even post some of the old "love" letters that were exchanged between me and a couple of my ex-boyfriends. maybe that's what i should've set out to do in the first place... maybe i'll just make all of that a part of the documentary...
so when i write about #20, do i tell you that we went to Bull McCabe's Irish Pub and how i love that place because it reminds me of my brother and how he had worked in basically the same place up in Milwaukee for eight years- the same atmosphere with a great, personable vibe, same decor, and one helluva jukebox? do i blab about having a few (appropriate) pints of Guinness and how the drinking kept progressing even as we went to see The Death Set at Red7 and now i don't even remember some of what was said because of it? isn't that the story of most of our lives anyway?
i can definitely say that #20 was an easy date. wait. let me rephrase: #20 made the date very easy to get through. he was a patient listener, a laid-back talker, and he didn't seem at all reserved. i think that's a great indication of someone who is confident with who they are. he seemed to understand my crazy dreams and why i felt it necessary to take chances to see them come true. and lastly, he completely took it in stride when i suggested that we play MASH. i think the last time i played that, it was with my sister just a couple of years ago, (what? we're goons, what can i say?) but he barely remembered what it was about. i asked him what his top four of various subjects where and after the numbers game, this is what we predicted his future to be: he lands the job as Bob Ross's replacement, marries Penelope Cruz, has three kids and a chocolate lab in a mansion in Barcelona... and drives a toyota tacoma. unfortunately i lost my napkin to the wind, so i don't have proof, but i swear this is my story: i end up living in an Australian mansion with my husband, date #5, seven kids and a monkey, and i drive an RV for my job as a "selfless revolutionary artist" (his title, not mine!). what's funny about this, is that it's almost exactly what i'd like to see in my future. i definitely don't need a mansion and i'm not sure about that many kids but i guess i wouldn't be opposed to it. when we're ready to come back to the US, we'll just donate the mansion to the homeless or something. As for date #5- he ended up on the list because after Joel McHale, Johnny Depp and some other random actor, i couldn't think of anyone else to add to the list. date #20 suggested i put down one of my favorite dates so far and voila! fortune told. the end.
worst part of the night: the band not playing until about 12:30-1:00 and us leaving early because i'm too tipsy and tired to care anymore.
worst part of the date: i was hoping he would get more creative with his MASH answers. guess i should've went first. although the Bob Ross replacement was pretty good...
best part of the night: i don't know about "best" but i sure did enjoy the lippy, ornery irish-accented bartender!
best part of the date: him hailing and paying for a cab so my drunk face could get home in one piece.
but tell me, do you even want to hear about more dates?? i'm so bored with writing about them; i can't imagine that society would actually want to read about another "good conversation" or awkward situation. to tell you the truth, i would've probably stopped reading by now. but here i am, forcing myself to finish the last ten because that's what i said i would do, even though all i want to do is write about abstract ideas that have been on my mind, or conversations i've overheard on the bus, or even post some of the old "love" letters that were exchanged between me and a couple of my ex-boyfriends. maybe that's what i should've set out to do in the first place... maybe i'll just make all of that a part of the documentary...
so when i write about #20, do i tell you that we went to Bull McCabe's Irish Pub and how i love that place because it reminds me of my brother and how he had worked in basically the same place up in Milwaukee for eight years- the same atmosphere with a great, personable vibe, same decor, and one helluva jukebox? do i blab about having a few (appropriate) pints of Guinness and how the drinking kept progressing even as we went to see The Death Set at Red7 and now i don't even remember some of what was said because of it? isn't that the story of most of our lives anyway?
i can definitely say that #20 was an easy date. wait. let me rephrase: #20 made the date very easy to get through. he was a patient listener, a laid-back talker, and he didn't seem at all reserved. i think that's a great indication of someone who is confident with who they are. he seemed to understand my crazy dreams and why i felt it necessary to take chances to see them come true. and lastly, he completely took it in stride when i suggested that we play MASH. i think the last time i played that, it was with my sister just a couple of years ago, (what? we're goons, what can i say?) but he barely remembered what it was about. i asked him what his top four of various subjects where and after the numbers game, this is what we predicted his future to be: he lands the job as Bob Ross's replacement, marries Penelope Cruz, has three kids and a chocolate lab in a mansion in Barcelona... and drives a toyota tacoma. unfortunately i lost my napkin to the wind, so i don't have proof, but i swear this is my story: i end up living in an Australian mansion with my husband, date #5, seven kids and a monkey, and i drive an RV for my job as a "selfless revolutionary artist" (his title, not mine!). what's funny about this, is that it's almost exactly what i'd like to see in my future. i definitely don't need a mansion and i'm not sure about that many kids but i guess i wouldn't be opposed to it. when we're ready to come back to the US, we'll just donate the mansion to the homeless or something. As for date #5- he ended up on the list because after Joel McHale, Johnny Depp and some other random actor, i couldn't think of anyone else to add to the list. date #20 suggested i put down one of my favorite dates so far and voila! fortune told. the end.
worst part of the night: the band not playing until about 12:30-1:00 and us leaving early because i'm too tipsy and tired to care anymore.
worst part of the date: i was hoping he would get more creative with his MASH answers. guess i should've went first. although the Bob Ross replacement was pretty good...
best part of the night: i don't know about "best" but i sure did enjoy the lippy, ornery irish-accented bartender!
best part of the date: him hailing and paying for a cab so my drunk face could get home in one piece.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
a message to the ex-boyfriend
it's crazy to read how different i am now...
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: poop on a stick
Date: Oct 1, 2007 10:36 PM
do this! do this!! i wanna know
10 Real Random Facts About Me
1. i hate every single bean known to man except the green bean
2. somewhere i still have an N Sync cd
3. i'm wild and tame at the same time
4. i've only turned on the tv once in the past 4 months.
5. i never want to be a typical girl
6. i'm constantly searching for more insight, more knowledge, more heart, more life, more happiness
7. i eat cereal all the time
8. i don't like capitalizing
9. usually i'm a great speller, but i had to think twice about capitalizing
10. i know that the capitol of nebraska is not zimbabwe
9 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART
1. humor
2. honesty
3. being creative, not necessarily on canvas or paper
4. surprising me
5. challenging my brain
6. talking about poop and wanting me to fart in front of them
7. some good kissing
8. having aspirations
9. doing nice things for people without expecting anything in return
8 THINGS I CARRY/WEAR EVERYDAY
1. bag
2. phone
3. wallet
4. i carry a song in my head every day
5. underwear (almost)
6. a chip on my shoulder that i'm trying to smooth out
7. chapstick!
8. a hair thingymadoodad
7 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME
1. liars
2. interrupting
3. southpark
4. petty people
5. typical men/ boring men/ uncultured men
6. nickelback
7. being categorized
6 STATES I'VE VISITED
1. washington
2. wisconsin
3. california
4. florida
5. arizona
6. crazy mental
5 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. see a million things i never have
2. find someone that understands me and still wants to spend the rest of their life with me
3. write and illustrate a childrens book
4. start my own clothing company
5. become a better person
4 THINGS I'M AFRAID OF
1. my parents never supporting me of anything that i do
2. getting hurt again
3. lactose intolerant people
4. spiders crawling all over me when there's a full moon and dracula is singing me a lullabye
3 THINGS I DO EVERYDAY
1. try? thank God
2. try? at least sketch or come up with some artistic idea
3. talk about my pet mime
2 THINGS I'M TRYING NOT TO DO NOW
1. freak out about my parents
2. freak out about money
Hi, my name is: amber
When I'm nervous I: play with my lip ring.
If I were to get married right now my best man/woman would be: the best friend i've ever had in my life and always will: mandy jo
By this time next year: i will hopefully be in different places in every aspect of my life.
I have a hard time understanding: why your eyes swell up when you cry.
If I won an award, the first person I would tell is: debatable. if it had to do with poop, i'd tell traci. if it had to do with art, i'd tell my significant other. if i had not one of those, i'd tell anyone in fraggle rock.
Most recent thing I've bought myself: the movie Four Eyed Monsters
Most recent thing someone else bought me: pizza?
My middle name is: bob
In the morning I: sometimes take a shower... sometimes put a hat on... sometimes stare at the floor wondering what i'm doing. weekends are a whole different story.
Last night I was: so sure.
If I was an animal I'd be: a puppy.
A better name for me would be: ms. analytical
Tomorrow I am: going to find out if my life is going to change drastically
Tonight I : probably got upset about every little thing that i possibly could've
The 2 people I miss the most are: jadyn and my cousins michelle and pam
My favorite color(s) is: turquoise
My heart is: under construction
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: poop on a stick
Date: Oct 1, 2007 10:36 PM
do this! do this!! i wanna know
10 Real Random Facts About Me
1. i hate every single bean known to man except the green bean
2. somewhere i still have an N Sync cd
3. i'm wild and tame at the same time
4. i've only turned on the tv once in the past 4 months.
5. i never want to be a typical girl
6. i'm constantly searching for more insight, more knowledge, more heart, more life, more happiness
7. i eat cereal all the time
8. i don't like capitalizing
9. usually i'm a great speller, but i had to think twice about capitalizing
10. i know that the capitol of nebraska is not zimbabwe
9 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART
1. humor
2. honesty
3. being creative, not necessarily on canvas or paper
4. surprising me
5. challenging my brain
6. talking about poop and wanting me to fart in front of them
7. some good kissing
8. having aspirations
9. doing nice things for people without expecting anything in return
8 THINGS I CARRY/WEAR EVERYDAY
1. bag
2. phone
3. wallet
4. i carry a song in my head every day
5. underwear (almost)
6. a chip on my shoulder that i'm trying to smooth out
7. chapstick!
8. a hair thingymadoodad
7 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME
1. liars
2. interrupting
3. southpark
4. petty people
5. typical men/ boring men/ uncultured men
6. nickelback
7. being categorized
6 STATES I'VE VISITED
1. washington
2. wisconsin
3. california
4. florida
5. arizona
6. crazy mental
5 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. see a million things i never have
2. find someone that understands me and still wants to spend the rest of their life with me
3. write and illustrate a childrens book
4. start my own clothing company
5. become a better person
4 THINGS I'M AFRAID OF
1. my parents never supporting me of anything that i do
2. getting hurt again
3. lactose intolerant people
4. spiders crawling all over me when there's a full moon and dracula is singing me a lullabye
3 THINGS I DO EVERYDAY
1. try? thank God
2. try? at least sketch or come up with some artistic idea
3. talk about my pet mime
2 THINGS I'M TRYING NOT TO DO NOW
1. freak out about my parents
2. freak out about money
Hi, my name is: amber
When I'm nervous I: play with my lip ring.
If I were to get married right now my best man/woman would be: the best friend i've ever had in my life and always will: mandy jo
By this time next year: i will hopefully be in different places in every aspect of my life.
I have a hard time understanding: why your eyes swell up when you cry.
If I won an award, the first person I would tell is: debatable. if it had to do with poop, i'd tell traci. if it had to do with art, i'd tell my significant other. if i had not one of those, i'd tell anyone in fraggle rock.
Most recent thing I've bought myself: the movie Four Eyed Monsters
Most recent thing someone else bought me: pizza?
My middle name is: bob
In the morning I: sometimes take a shower... sometimes put a hat on... sometimes stare at the floor wondering what i'm doing. weekends are a whole different story.
Last night I was: so sure.
If I was an animal I'd be: a puppy.
A better name for me would be: ms. analytical
Tomorrow I am: going to find out if my life is going to change drastically
Tonight I : probably got upset about every little thing that i possibly could've
The 2 people I miss the most are: jadyn and my cousins michelle and pam
My favorite color(s) is: turquoise
My heart is: under construction
Saturday, June 4, 2011
date #19: a change of heart
the idea of volunteering at a soup kitchen has been sitting in the back of my mind for a few years now, tapping at my door, getting louder and louder each month. i purposely opened that door and set the idea on my 30/30 table in case any of my dates have been wanting the same thing. fingers were crossed. the idea of having someone just as clueless walking next to me through those doors gave me a sense of comfort. i'm sure fear of the unknown and fear of that cold-hard reality is partially to blame for my hesitancy to go at it alone, although i hate to admit that i still let fear drive sometimes.
if i look at it from a different angle, though, i also believe that another stopping factor is because i'm still preparing for it mentally. once i dive into that separate universe, i'll never be the same... because that one small day of volunteer work is going to open up into a huge lifestyle change for me.
i grew up in a secluded box with no real idea or connection to homelessness. even when i moved to Omaha, Nebraska, i remained unexposed and blind.
when i sold everything i owned to travel the western half of the states, i was forced to pay attention. once my eyes were open, i vividly remembered an instance that happened when i was nine: while visiting family down in Tucson, Arizona, we traveled across the border and i remember only two things about that one day in Mexico: 1) picking out a pinata for my birthday and 2) the homeless community was overwhelming. i wonder if my father remembers the begging- not just theirs, but mine as well. i wanted to be able to help them out so badly; their faces were covered in so much hurt. his very adament "no" left me feeling so helpless and defeated. his explanation was that if we gave change to some, they would all come and swarm us. i recognize now, that even back then, i didn't feel right about that attitude. after this realization, my heart opened up and i made some conscious decisions...
...like the soup kitchen. date #19 had perused the list that i had laid out and picked up this specific one, but when he called multiple places to see if it was possible to volunteer, he came back with bittersweet news. either you had to have proper training or they had enough helpers for weeks. i just can't be disappointed about that.
my fix-it suggestion was to wander around on a driving adventure, dispersing my newest project. i told him that my idea was born after reaching the point where i just couldn't hand out any more cash to the homeless, but i didn't want to stop giving. this desire to help has grown into a passionate urge to be a catalyst for transformation, therefore my project was dubbed "art for change." i've been handing pieces of my art out to the homeless and telling them that they can give it to someone of their choosing in exchange for any amount of money. i explain to them that if they need to trade it for a quarter, then they should go for it. if they want to hold off and hopefully get more, that was their decision. i'm hoping that since the recipients are able to physically take something home with them, they'd be willing to give a little more than they have in the past. another goal is just raising awareness. i know so many people who are quick to pull the shades as they drive past, wanting to ignore the obvious issue. they convince themselves that a) they wouldn't be able to make a difference, b) if they gave money, it was just going to be used for alcohol/drugs, or c) they're a scam artist. while sometimes these things may be true, if we keep averting our heads, nothing will ever take a turn for the better. also- the physical interaction that takes place through this project is really important to me. the small bond that i make through the hand-off is enough for me to keep going, and think about how that bond continues on to the second trade!
so i'm curious to hear what happened inside date #19's head and heart as we scattered art across the city's streets. i could tell that at first he was struggling with not having a specific route mapped out, but i think i eventually got through to him; there are no rules, there is no wrong way. we didn't have to be anywhere at a specific time and i had no expectations of my driving partner. i didn't really know what i was doing either! he actually started handing the art out and it was nice to sit there and just study reactions and listen to him describe his point of view of my idea. i still have yet to perfect my approach and i really appreciated another ear to give me any tips or feedback. it feels weird to say that i have an "approach" when i'm not selling anything, but i want to be careful not to offend anyone.
it was slightly rough trying to balance talking about personal subjects and also stay on the lookout, taking note of every little thing. i hope he doesn't mind that i don't remember much about his past... what i noticed more than anything was that he was patient and had an open mind. and at the end of it all, we stopped outside of the shelter downtown so he could give out a dozen pink roses. at this point i probably should have asked him if they were originally for me because i thought he had said something about them in the beginning, but roses make me feel all awkward, so i didnt let him know that i was confused. sorry #19, that's my confession.
best part of the date: connecting with someone through giving
best part of the day: seeing the reactions
worst part of the day: maybe me hiding the fact that i felt awkward because of a nice gesture.
worst part of the date: when i asked if he wanted to do something quick before i had to get home and back to work, he replied with "since you put it that way, i'll take you home." at first i thought maybe he was being too harsh, then i felt horrible because maybe i sounded like i didn't want to spend that much more time with him, then i realized he was probably just being perceptive and i was thankful for his straightforwardness.
if i look at it from a different angle, though, i also believe that another stopping factor is because i'm still preparing for it mentally. once i dive into that separate universe, i'll never be the same... because that one small day of volunteer work is going to open up into a huge lifestyle change for me.
i grew up in a secluded box with no real idea or connection to homelessness. even when i moved to Omaha, Nebraska, i remained unexposed and blind.
when i sold everything i owned to travel the western half of the states, i was forced to pay attention. once my eyes were open, i vividly remembered an instance that happened when i was nine: while visiting family down in Tucson, Arizona, we traveled across the border and i remember only two things about that one day in Mexico: 1) picking out a pinata for my birthday and 2) the homeless community was overwhelming. i wonder if my father remembers the begging- not just theirs, but mine as well. i wanted to be able to help them out so badly; their faces were covered in so much hurt. his very adament "no" left me feeling so helpless and defeated. his explanation was that if we gave change to some, they would all come and swarm us. i recognize now, that even back then, i didn't feel right about that attitude. after this realization, my heart opened up and i made some conscious decisions...
...like the soup kitchen. date #19 had perused the list that i had laid out and picked up this specific one, but when he called multiple places to see if it was possible to volunteer, he came back with bittersweet news. either you had to have proper training or they had enough helpers for weeks. i just can't be disappointed about that.
my fix-it suggestion was to wander around on a driving adventure, dispersing my newest project. i told him that my idea was born after reaching the point where i just couldn't hand out any more cash to the homeless, but i didn't want to stop giving. this desire to help has grown into a passionate urge to be a catalyst for transformation, therefore my project was dubbed "art for change." i've been handing pieces of my art out to the homeless and telling them that they can give it to someone of their choosing in exchange for any amount of money. i explain to them that if they need to trade it for a quarter, then they should go for it. if they want to hold off and hopefully get more, that was their decision. i'm hoping that since the recipients are able to physically take something home with them, they'd be willing to give a little more than they have in the past. another goal is just raising awareness. i know so many people who are quick to pull the shades as they drive past, wanting to ignore the obvious issue. they convince themselves that a) they wouldn't be able to make a difference, b) if they gave money, it was just going to be used for alcohol/drugs, or c) they're a scam artist. while sometimes these things may be true, if we keep averting our heads, nothing will ever take a turn for the better. also- the physical interaction that takes place through this project is really important to me. the small bond that i make through the hand-off is enough for me to keep going, and think about how that bond continues on to the second trade!
so i'm curious to hear what happened inside date #19's head and heart as we scattered art across the city's streets. i could tell that at first he was struggling with not having a specific route mapped out, but i think i eventually got through to him; there are no rules, there is no wrong way. we didn't have to be anywhere at a specific time and i had no expectations of my driving partner. i didn't really know what i was doing either! he actually started handing the art out and it was nice to sit there and just study reactions and listen to him describe his point of view of my idea. i still have yet to perfect my approach and i really appreciated another ear to give me any tips or feedback. it feels weird to say that i have an "approach" when i'm not selling anything, but i want to be careful not to offend anyone.
it was slightly rough trying to balance talking about personal subjects and also stay on the lookout, taking note of every little thing. i hope he doesn't mind that i don't remember much about his past... what i noticed more than anything was that he was patient and had an open mind. and at the end of it all, we stopped outside of the shelter downtown so he could give out a dozen pink roses. at this point i probably should have asked him if they were originally for me because i thought he had said something about them in the beginning, but roses make me feel all awkward, so i didnt let him know that i was confused. sorry #19, that's my confession.
best part of the date: connecting with someone through giving
best part of the day: seeing the reactions
worst part of the day: maybe me hiding the fact that i felt awkward because of a nice gesture.
worst part of the date: when i asked if he wanted to do something quick before i had to get home and back to work, he replied with "since you put it that way, i'll take you home." at first i thought maybe he was being too harsh, then i felt horrible because maybe i sounded like i didn't want to spend that much more time with him, then i realized he was probably just being perceptive and i was thankful for his straightforwardness.
Monday, May 23, 2011
speed bumps
i just wanted to let everyone know that i've run into some complications. long story short- both my car and my computer are down right now. i had to borrow my roommate's car to make it to the library just so i could write this.
i'm still going on my dates and i still plan on writing blogs about the rest of them and putting something together at the very end. i don't know how things are going to progress this week but i just wanted to tell everyone that i haven't given up!
...even though a big part of me thinks that sounds wonderful...
i'm still going on my dates and i still plan on writing blogs about the rest of them and putting something together at the very end. i don't know how things are going to progress this week but i just wanted to tell everyone that i haven't given up!
...even though a big part of me thinks that sounds wonderful...
Friday, May 20, 2011
date #18: chicken and waffles
i'm sorry to any date that would have to follow #17. it's making it really hard to write... that, and the fact that it felt more like a meeting than it was a date.
we had planned to meet at Lucky J's trailer at 7:00 and when i got there a minute early, he was talking strictly business with someone. i stood there patiently looking like a nerd. i imagined i was in the lobby, just waiting for the receptionist to say "mr. sir will see you now, go right in." once we ordered our food, he started asking me questions about how the project was going, if i was interested in any of the dates, if any had tried to kiss me, etc. i'm really glad he was curious enough to inquire, but it ended up feeling somewhat like an interview. i suppose maybe he had been looking at the project the same way, only from the opposite perspective. "#18, you're up next. what do you feel are your best qualities and how can you contribute to my company?" funny thought, but i hope not.
then, when his phone rang, he told someone on the other end that we were sitting at the trailer and that he'd see them in a bit. this woman shows up and instantly i was confused. i guess that was business as well, not anything romantic, and she turned out to be really sweet, but... is that normal while on a date?
we talked for a little while longer over a drink next door, but for the most part it was about food and following dreams. i definitely do not have a problem with that, as i am passionate about both said subjects, but i did notice something. i'm sure he didn't intentionally try to do this, but there was an underlying negativity that came up multiple times throughout the entire night.
date #18, don't worry about other businesses and how they're making their decisions. forget about the people you used to know and their perception on what living a good life means, even if they are truly wrong. you've followed your dream and have made it to where you are today and that's all you should worry about. yes, you've worked your ass off and tried to do things right. be proud of that. don't even waste your mind thinking about where other people are messing up their lives.
worst part of the day: wondering if he heard how embarrassing my brakes sounded when i arrived.
worst part of the date: the business interactions.
best part of the day: eating Lucky J's!! yam. waffle taco with chicken, bacon, swiss, honey, and hot sauce. AND he also let me get the one with peanut butter, nutella, bananas, and honey. it's a good thing i didn't wear my skinny jeans that night...
best part of the date: hearing about a few of his old dating stories, one involving the girl huffing some sort of cleaner. shoot... what was it again...
we had planned to meet at Lucky J's trailer at 7:00 and when i got there a minute early, he was talking strictly business with someone. i stood there patiently looking like a nerd. i imagined i was in the lobby, just waiting for the receptionist to say "mr. sir will see you now, go right in." once we ordered our food, he started asking me questions about how the project was going, if i was interested in any of the dates, if any had tried to kiss me, etc. i'm really glad he was curious enough to inquire, but it ended up feeling somewhat like an interview. i suppose maybe he had been looking at the project the same way, only from the opposite perspective. "#18, you're up next. what do you feel are your best qualities and how can you contribute to my company?" funny thought, but i hope not.
then, when his phone rang, he told someone on the other end that we were sitting at the trailer and that he'd see them in a bit. this woman shows up and instantly i was confused. i guess that was business as well, not anything romantic, and she turned out to be really sweet, but... is that normal while on a date?
we talked for a little while longer over a drink next door, but for the most part it was about food and following dreams. i definitely do not have a problem with that, as i am passionate about both said subjects, but i did notice something. i'm sure he didn't intentionally try to do this, but there was an underlying negativity that came up multiple times throughout the entire night.
date #18, don't worry about other businesses and how they're making their decisions. forget about the people you used to know and their perception on what living a good life means, even if they are truly wrong. you've followed your dream and have made it to where you are today and that's all you should worry about. yes, you've worked your ass off and tried to do things right. be proud of that. don't even waste your mind thinking about where other people are messing up their lives.
worst part of the day: wondering if he heard how embarrassing my brakes sounded when i arrived.
worst part of the date: the business interactions.
best part of the day: eating Lucky J's!! yam. waffle taco with chicken, bacon, swiss, honey, and hot sauce. AND he also let me get the one with peanut butter, nutella, bananas, and honey. it's a good thing i didn't wear my skinny jeans that night...
best part of the date: hearing about a few of his old dating stories, one involving the girl huffing some sort of cleaner. shoot... what was it again...
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